A couple’s sex life can become lacklustre when they have been together for a while. That’s why Valentine’s Day is such a special day: it’s the perfect opportunity to light the match and get the candle burning brighter.
We asked sex coach Jade Zwane to give us some tips on satisfying our partners.
She reckons that affection is everything. While getting down and dirty is the ultimate goal, it’s important to set the mood and be present.
“On a general level, always be affectionate. She has to know that you love her, that you’re thinking about her and that you care. Also, you don’t have to be there to set the mood for evening shenanigans. Don’t be afraid to send her some naughty messages during the day. Sexting is a great way to build anticipation and excitement,” she says.
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If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, you should know what your partner likes. Zwane says that you should be subtle, but still sexy in your texts if your partner isn’t into overtly sexual messages. If your partner is all about a nasty sex life, don’t hold back. This is someone you’ve been with for a long-time, so you can afford to be a bit uncomfortable – you’ll realise the benefits later.
“Partners need to be very playful with each other. A lot of us tend to forget this, because we are sidetracked by routine,” Zwane says. “A lot of people tend to let that go. It’s a very important aspect of a relationship, especially a sexual one.”
Communication is key in all aspects of a relationship, including the bedroom. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking your partner what they like and about their fantasies. While there sometimes are stigmas attached to sexual fantasies, and some sexual acts, it’s important to be completely honest and let your partner be honest without judging them.
If this is something you’ve never done as a couple, talk about it.
“Every woman’s different. It’s important to be present and pay attention, to communicate with your partner, to introduce new things like toys to the mix and find out from your partner how they feel about it, and generally, to not be afraid or feel awkward,” Zwane says.
“Sex is much more interesting than we think. It only takes a browse through the Internet to know this. One of the best ways to spice up a dull sex life is to try out positions that you didn’t know existed! Take some time to go through some pictures online with your partner. You can even use images when you are sexting. Try something that will take you out of your comfort zone and will catapult your sex life to a whole new level.”
Zwane also says that having sex in different parts of the house is a great way to spice things up.
“Having sex in unusual places. This creates a sense of excitement and will increase the ‘naughty’ factor – it will feel like a brand-new sex experience,” she says.