In an emotional Instagram post uploaded on Tuesday, Ayanda says it’s been a daily struggle coming to grips with his death, with the widow revealing how she still cries herself to sleep.

“God decided to take you away from us. I can lie in front of the world and walk with bravery, smile with a bruised spirit, walk with silent screams, but the fact still stands I weep deeply almost every night and beg God to return you to me. I can’t get used to your absence!” her post read.

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Ayanda also told of the four major moments involving her husband that forever changed her life.

“My lovem you changed my life four different times, just like four seasons. In 2002 you changed my title to be a girlfriend, in 2003 to a mother, in 2007 to a wife, in 2016 to a widow! But sadly on the fifth, I witnessed the most painful & brutal experience in my entire life!” she wrote.

The Kulungile Baba hit-maker died in his wife’s arms at the Fourways Life hospital, succumbing to kidney failure following a short illness.

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“Today feels like I’m losing you over and over again! The pain of losing you never goes away, the wound is always fresh. It is the grace of God that keeps me going each day. Being angry at God for not saving your life cannot help me,” she wrote.

“God is God! He does as he pleases! I guess He designed our lives exactly like this, my job is to adjust to His plan.  I will always love you, myeni wami.”